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Just got a speeding ticket? If you knew the secret on page 42 of this banned book, you may not have been caught…

The Closely Guarded Secrets
of a Confessed Fast Driver –
And Why I Never Get a Speeding Ticket
Announcing Drive Fast, No Tickets 2007: the controversial, super secret, driving book that teaches you how to drive fast, drive safe and makes you virtually invisible to money grubbing, behind-the-tree hiding, speed trapping, quota-meeting ticket writers.
Prevents speeding tickets from radar, laser, photo and speedometer pacing.

From: Robert E.
Date: Tuesday, April 1st, 2008

Never Get Another Speeding Ticket!

Press Play To Find Out How ...

Dear Fast Driver:

You can laugh at speed traps if you use the secret driving system described in Drive Fast, No Tickets 2007

Let's face it: speeding is mostly about the numbers. The number on the sign versus the number on the radar gun. (Or LIDAR device. Or speedometer.) That's it. Not conditions. Not safety. Not rationality. It's about the additional revenue a city or state government can generate by issuing speeding tickets.

If you learn how my system works (and I'll teach you, if you're smart enough to buy my book), someone else can be the lucky recipient of a hefty fine and a generous bonus for your insurance company. Not me. I'm out of that game. If you're interested in attaching your wallet to your local city council's revenue-sucking machine, great. Like I said, not me.

What are you? Some kind of maniac who teaches people how to drive dangerously?
Absolutely not. Knowing when NOT to drive fast is as important as knowing when you can. But some drivers will see this system as permission to drive like a dickhead.

So, on page 7, I tell you who shouldn't buy this book.

If this describes you, screw off. This book isn't for you.

Slammed Hondas need not apply. Besides being kind of silly (front wheel drive? please…), this group of drivers doesn't exhibit the responsible driving my system requires.

Anybody under 25, go away. 49% of ALL accidents are caused by drivers 25 and under (according to the National Traffic Highway Safety Administration). Drivers under 25 don't have the reasoning to know when they're taking stupid risks.

Drunks. If you enjoy a couple of cocktails before getting behind the wheel of your 350Z, get thee to an AA meeting and stop reading this right now.

Bottom line: If you like to drive recklessly through the middle of town, run red lights or swerve in and out of freeway lanes like you're on a jet-ski, go pound sand. You're a moron and an idiot, and I hope you are arrested before you hurt someone.

Okay, I better cool down. I think you get the message. All ...

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